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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659013">The Most Human Thing of All</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassAsAFreeAction/pseuds/SassAsAFreeAction'>SassAsAFreeAction</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett, The Good Place (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But I do wanna get this out, Characters in the afterlife, Don't wanna spoil too much now, F/M, Human Aziraphale, Human Crowley, I'll add more tags later, M/M, the good place AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:56:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22659013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassAsAFreeAction/pseuds/SassAsAFreeAction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony J. Crowley doesn't remember how he lived or died, but he's woken up in the paradise of afterlives known as The Good Place (not to be confused with Heaven if the guy claiming to be the Archangel Gabriel is to be believed). For whatever reason though, he has a nagging feeling that everything isn't exactly how it seems.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Most Human Thing of All</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>"Now we’re going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!" - Michael, <i> The Good Place </i> Season 2, Episode 10</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Crowley hadn’t remembered going to bed, but when he woke up, he found himself sitting up on a beige couch. On the wall directly across from him in pleasant, calm, green letters were the words “Welcome! Everything is fine.” Strangely enough, he felt as though that might be true. He glanced around the room, fixating on one of the two plants on bronze pedestals in the corners as he wondered where the Hell he was.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A door to his left opened, and a man in a grey suit stepped out. His piercing purple eyes focused on Crowley before he forced a smile on his face. So far, the most unsettling thing was how fake this mystery man seemed. “Anthony, welcome!” he greeted, waving him in after adjusting his lilac tie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Crowley a second, the name not sounding quite right. At the same time though, he knew it was his. He shook his head before rising to his feet, following him into a rather sparse office. Perhaps sparse was the wrong word. Everything was white and sterile more as if the space were a hospital. It was decorated to look like an office, but had the same fake feeling the man in the suit did. Almost as though someone who in theory knew what an office looked like but had never personally been in one had created the space. Crowley took a seat though, deciding to hear him out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m the Archangel Gabriel,” the suit introduced himself. He didn’t sit down, instead folding his hands neatly in front of him, standing at perfect attention behind the desk. “You, Anthony J. Crowley, are in the Good Place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Good Place?” Crowley repeated quirking a brow. “So, like... Heaven?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel chuckled, head going back some as if he’d told a hilarious joke. “God no. The Good Place is for </span>
  <em>
    <span>humans</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like you. Well, technically, The Good Place is only for the best of humans. The most charitable, humble, and selfless.” Crowley hated the way he said the word humans as though they were no better than dog shit on his shoe, even when he was talking about the supposed cream of the crop.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that includes... me?” Crowley pointed to himself in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” His smile grew wider, going up to his eyes and making them shut. “Only the best of the best,” he stressed again. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t belong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...” Crowley nodded absently, looking around the room. “Real paragon of virtue, me...” He processed his sudden demise for a moment before realizing that he couldn’t even recall how he had perished in the first place. “Hey, Gabe, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gabriel,” he corrected, teeth clenching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, sure. Can you tell me how I actually kicked the bucket? I can’t... remember...” Crowley furled his brow, trying one last time to try to bring the detail forth. If he was being honest, he couldn’t really remember anything from when he’d been alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel finally sat down, which was a blessing as it put Crowley a little more at ease. He pulled an open folder, presumably Crowley’s, to himself and skimmed it over. “Ah, yes, people who experience more... violent deaths are made to forget. It makes it easier for your mind to adjust. It should all come back eventually, but I can tell you that you died in a car crash. Says here that you swerved to avoid hitting a child and you crashed into something called a-” He squinted. “Telephone pole. Apparently, it snapped over your car. There was a big fire, an explosion, tons of damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley furled his brow and nodded, processing all of that. A brief moment of panic set in a second later; his eyes went wide. “And the kid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Archangel waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, perfectly fine. Not a scratch.” He nodded before continuing, “You are very dead though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I got that,” Crowley grumbled. It was a relief to hear though. He inhaled, but Gabriel quickly cut in, almost seeming to scramble to do so really as if he had known that an onslaught of questions was coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Time to show you around the neighborhood.” Gabriel briskly stood up and headed out of the office building with Crowley at his heels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The neighborhood, or rather the main street of the neighborhood, was quaint, exactly what one would expect from a supposedly idyllic afterlife. Soft pastel coloring. Neatly tended lawns with spreads of vibrant flowers. Cute little restaurants with puns for names that hailed from all the different corners of the world. Crowley’s personal favorite was ‘All and Dim Sum,’ which was sandwiched between a sushi restaurant called ‘Roll Call’ and an Italian joint called ‘Pastabilities.’ There was even a frozen yogurt place. He noticed a distinct lack of shops, but he supposed that people in the afterlife didn’t really need material possessions. When he asked about it though, Gabriel explained that anything he could ever want would be provided in due time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Walking past a circular fountain, Gabriel quickly swept all of Crowley’s questions under the proverbial rug. He gestured to a stage and plenty of metal chairs, encouraging Crowley to take a seat with the claim that at least some of his questions were about to be addressed. The way he saw it, Crowley didn’t have much choice aside from shrugging and plopping down amongst his new neighbors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel climbed the stairs onto the stage. He stared out at the crowd sitting in the front yard, looking as stiff as ever. From the breast pocket of his suit, he pulled a set of notecards. He skimmed them over before promptly shoving them back where he’d found them. He clapped twice and a projection appeared behind him showing the first slide of a powerpoint. On a white background were the black letters spelling out “Welcome to The Good Place” in what Crowley was fairly certain was Comic Sans font. “Welcome, everyone, as I’m sure all of you know, I’m the Archangel Gabriel. The Committee and I figured it would be best if I gave a group explanation for some of the questions I’m sure you have. First off, this is The Good Place, afterlife to Earth’s best humans.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused then, smiling as though he was waiting for something. He looked over his shoulder then with a sigh. Gabriel moved his finger in an impatient circle, encouraging the slide to change. It transitioned then, the next slide flying in from the right corner down with the buzz of a fly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every sin that you committed on Earth was documented along with your good deeds. We weighed the good against the bad, taking note of how drastic each type of action was before coming up with a point total.” Two pictures appeared on screen, also with awful transitions that made them spin in a circle and zoom into their fixed positions. One was of a person cheering while the other was of a person crying. Both of them were obviously clip art, and each still had a large watermark on them. Above the happier person was a green number total ‘123456789’ while the other person had the same number above them, but negative and in red. “The people with the highest scores come here to The Good Place. The rest all go to The Bad Place - not to be confused with Hell.” Another ill-timed smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A new slide came up with the same buzzing sound as before. The old screen faded out like a checkerboard as the new information replaced it. This screen had a picture of a couple holding hands with cartoon hearts above their heads. “You won’t be spending eternity alone though. Each person has been assigned a soul mate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the shirtiest slideshow I’ve ever seen.” Crowley grumbled, officially zoning out now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better than anything I could ever make,” the person to his right said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a snort, Crowley turned his head to look over at him. His immediate thought when he looked at him was </span>
  <em>
    <span>nerd</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not necessarily in a bad way, there was just no other way to describe him. His dark hair was ruffled, and there was scruff on his face. He had stereotypical black square glasses. He was wearing a green sweater with a dress shirt underneath. Even the way he carried himself, shrunken in and non-imposing spoke of a boy who had probably been bullied for a majority of his life. Maybe by actual people or maybe because life took a great deal of joy out of crushing people’s dreams. “I’m guessing you must just be shirt with technology then.” Crowley dimly heard his new companion say something about computers exploding on him, but he was too distracted. He blinked, shaking his head, clearly taken aback. “Shirt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shirt.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you can’t swear here,” Nerd Boy explained. “I guess people don’t like it, so this place just kind of... replaces it?” He shrugged. “Doesn’t work in other languages either - probably because this place translates everything to whatever language you speak, but...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crowley slanted his lips. He furled his brow.  “Right. So how do you know all of this exactly?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nerd boy casually leaned his head in the direction of the woman next to him. She was nodding at the speech, clearly skeptical about the whole thing based on the way she was looking at Gabriel over her glasses. Her arms and legs were crossed, one foot bouncing impatiently. Nerd Boy smiled fondly at her though, probably his soul mate. He glanced back at Crowley then as though he was blindsided that he was even there. She was definitely his soulmate then. “She’s bilingual, but Spanish was her first language.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing that she was being talked about, she leaned to look at Crowley, regarding him for a moment before waving and leaning back to continue listening. He had the feeling that if she weren’t set on being polite, she probably would have butt into the conversation. She seemed opinionated for some reason, which automatically meant that Crowley liked her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s everything.” Gabriel looked behind him then at the slideshow, only to furl his brow. “Can I hear a wahoo?” he read off it in complete and total confusion, but of course, people clapped. Crowley immediately felt his teeth clench. He couldn’t explain why, but that last slide absolutely pissed him off. Whoever this Committee was, because Gabriel clearly hadn’t made this slideshow, could fuck off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Gabriel stepped off stage, the members of the crowd started to climb to their feet.They went off then to fulfill whatever little desires their hearts had left over from Earth. This was paradise after all. Crowley wasn’t exactly certain he would see any of them again if he was being honest. Except for Nerd Boy and his soulmate. He offered the two of them a wave at least when he realized they wouldn’t be able to chat since Gabriel was heading his way again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I assume this is the part where you show me where I’ll be staying for the rest of eternity?” Crowley asked, shoving his thumbs in his too-tight pockets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel huffed. He adjusted his lapels before brushing down with a sharp outward exhale as though putting back on his composure. He adorned the fake smile again. “Right this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Presumably, this would be his ideal place for living, and when Gabriel showed him the outside, Crowley was fairly certain that was true. Although, to be fair, the first thing he noticed was a black 1933 Bentley parked in the driveway. He immediately broke out into a grin, not even caring about the fact that there was no road beyond the driveway to even drive it on. Looking at the house itself though, he couldn’t complain. Grey. Modern. Two-floors. Tons of big picture windows that would let plenty of sun in. He noticed a garden through the wrought iron fence. For whatever reason it looked overgrown, but Crowley was more than excited to have a chance to tame it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Closing his creaking fence, Crowley paused at the door, preparing himself for the moment of truth. Gabriel stood behind him on his right, which immediately put him on edge. His brain screamed at him that there was something wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly that could have been. He took a chance, opened the door, and stepped inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While the outside had been grey, the inside of his house was black with plenty of winding hallways and a wrought iron spiral staircase. There wasn’t much furniture to speak of at all though, only the bare necessities, a statue or two, and a few rogue houseplants, which didn’t bother Crowley in the slightest. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>bother Crowley though was the fact that the space looked already lived in. There was random clutter everywhere with a barely discernible walking path. Some of it was literal trash, wrappers from food and empty bottles. Clothes were draped across tons of different surfaces and piled on the floor. The rest all seemed composed of random knickknacks or memorabilia that he couldn’t draw any sentimental value for even as he developed a growing sense of himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every house is tailored specifically to the essence of its owner.” Gabriel explained, breaking the silence. Crowley bristled, setting down an empty wine bottle. Looking at Gabriel, he saw a smirk on his face as though he had remembered some hilarious joke. He smiled back awkwardly, deciding to avoid asking if there hadn’t been a mistake. Gabriel had made it extremely clear that he didn’t care much for his curious nature, and to be honest, Crowley wanted him gone as soon as possible. The moment Gabriel left he planned on doing a mass exodus of anything he couldn’t find a use for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel shuffled toward the television with a snap. Rather than turning the television on though, another holographic image appeared in front of it. Upon closer inspection, Crowley realized that it wasn’t coming out of thin air like the one on the stage had been; this specific image was coming out of a white dome sitting on the entertainment system below his wall mounted television (which in his opinion kind of defeated the purpose). “This video system should be able to help you recall some of your old memories. You can access any moment in your life from your point of view.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The very first image to load up was a massive flame and the dashboard of a car, no doubt his last memory as he died. Crowley shuttered away from it, turning his head to the side. “Uh... thanks,” he murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Gabriel smiled knowingly, swiping the image away to reveal a screen of floating circles with random titles on them like ‘Birth’ and ‘First Day on Dowling Estate’. “Enjoy your stay in the Good Place.” In the blink of an eye, he disappeared from the place that he had been standing, leaving Crowley standing alone in his overcrowded living room, more confused than at peace. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by this <a href="https://wheeloffortune-design.tumblr.com/post/189341053860/this-is-aziraphale-your-soulmate-oh-hello">post</a> from wheeloffortune-design. I changed the dialogue around a little, but credit is due where credit is due.</p><p>Find me on <a href="https://sassasafreeaction.tumblr.com/">tumblr.</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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